I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
