you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
