Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Farmville is her only friend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
