One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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