i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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