someone threw a dead crab at me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
