Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
