Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Come see our sink grown plant.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
