Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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