made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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