Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
