end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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