There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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