if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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