My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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