i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
