Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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