I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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