i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
