I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
