i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
