I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
