we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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