You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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