so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
