I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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