It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
