At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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