Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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