I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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