How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
