i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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