Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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