The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
