Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
