I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
