but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
