I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
