wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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