I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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