she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
