when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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