I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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