We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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