Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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