you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
