Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
