I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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