I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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