ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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