if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
