yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
