I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
