Ambien. No doubt about it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
