We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
