that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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