that's an acceptable place to lick
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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