im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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