I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
